*Meanwhile in an alternate universe where the Nerd reviews FFVII\*

"FFVII is one of the most overrated games of all time even amongst the other mainline FF games."

"The graphics look like somebody's first attempt at using a 3D game engine!"

"Even Super Mario 64 looks better by direct comparison and that game predates FFVII by one year!"

"And because FFVII is one of those games that went on to become the killer app of its console, everyone and their cousin knows what happens in FFVII thanks to its ginormous amount of popularity in gaming circles."

"Something something Cloud isn't the person he thinks he is."

"Something something Aerith gets shish-kabobed by the long end of Sephiroth's Masamune."

"Something something Tifa Lockhart and her two main claims to fame particularly amongst the Italian community (Mama-Mia!)"

"And what's more, there's part of a remake available on modern gaming consoles, but from what little I know, its not so much a "remake" as it is some weird alternate continuity as if to suggest FFVII on PSONE is the lackluster version of the story."

"What in the name of fuck happened between 1997 and now that's allowed the term "remake" to have its definition so loosely stretched that its become the neighborhood slut to any and all eager participants looking to take full advantage of a term that's lost all meaning!"

"And another thing that really grinds my gears, whatever happened to releasing a full game at launch remake or not?"

"Like what, is it so important that you render various areas of the game in exquisite 4k high definition 1080p 60 FPS that most players aren't even going to give a second glance to let alone make sure to polish Tifa Lockhart's physique to a mirror shine every second she's on screen?"

"I remember a time when nobody gave a flying shit about what game had the best graphics nor the most optimally rendered graphical settings and the only thing that did matter was whether the game was good or not."

*beat*

"What? Sorry not sorry, but FFVII still looks ugly as sin in its original form as did most games in the fifth generation back when everybody made the awkward jump to 3D graphics, but whereas games like Super Mario 64 or The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time made it work because of their chosen art style, FFVII has this weird chibi anime style that clashes with the serious story its trying to tell and it doesn't help that the character models look like poorly constructed origami crafts."