Marcus, for all his riches, didn't have a hot water faucet.
He didn't have a refrigerator.
Wealthy Romans could afford to cool their food with ice brought in from the mountains.
Hell, he didn't have tomatoes, corn, potatoes. Even steak - cows hadn't been invented in Roman times, they had to make do with Auroch meat.
Ancient Romans had a highly developed culinary tradition, and the wealthy had access to an enormous variety of imported spices and agricultural products from the vast trade network of the Empire. And there's the rich man's ability to have all his food made to order by professionals- bread baked fresh, any cut of any available meat prepared however he wants...if given the opportunity to trade my dietary options with those of Marcus Crassus, I would have to think hard, and I'm not even close to poor. I suspect anyone in the bottom decile of household income in the United States would do so with very little regret.
Marcus never saw a movie...
Live entertainment was available in quantity and quality. If your tastes run to the bloody spectacle of the Colosseum, it's never been equaled in the modern era. If not, there was a thriving theatrical tradition, the chariot races of the Circus Maximus, and the athletic bouts of the Campus Martius.
...never listened to music on headphones...
Crassus could summon any number of live musicians at a whim, and dismiss them as easily.
...couldn't check the news whenever he wanted.
Given. No comparison is possible.
And Marcus lived to a ripe old age of 62. That was a golden-ager for those times.
Crassus didn't die of old age or frailty: he died as a general on campaign during a botched attempt to negotiate with the enemy. Disregarding infant mortality and military service, ancient Roman life spans were broadly comparable to modern ones.
edit: not to mention, Marcus had no access to pot, coke, molly, or even tobacco. Wait a sec, even grain alcohol! No scotch, no vodka, no tequila... best he could do was italian ripply!
There was no such thing as drug laws in ancient Rome, and wealthy Romans had free access to a wide variety of (mostly herbal) recreational drugs, including depressants like cannabis, stimulants like betel nut, and classic psychedelics like ergot alkaloids.
Anyone reading this would be insane to trade places with Marcus Crassus.
You're right, because anyone reading this probably owns a computer with broadband Internet access. This would, again, be uncharacteristic of someone in the bottom decile of U.S. household income.