Does anyone else feel a greater appreciation for life after their suicide attempt(s)?

I've never attempted suicide but I had fallen into a deep depression before. I dropped out of school after long stints of truincy and weighed about 260 pounds. I was overweight, bordering obese. I cut off all contact with my friends. I spent a good year alone playing video games, having anger issues which stemmed from my loneliness and inability to do anything with my life, and living off of my mother who in retrospect kind of let me do whatever I wanted because she couldn't say no. I lived that way for 3 years, entering adulthood.

Then the greatest mistake I ever made happened. I asked a chick out and she said no. She was disgusted. This was in my GED preparation class. I felt so pissed. So angered at both her and myself. I was not taking care of myself and also she's a bitch for denying me. Such a stupid double standard but I had no control over either thought.

I died inside. That was my suicide. I literally died inside. I had spent so much of my life avoiding rejection that actually experiencing it killed me. I wasn't worthy of another human being. So I told myself that she was going to regret the fucking day she brushed me off.

I went home and symbolically threw everything I owned that reminded me of the past away. Outside hidden boxes of pictures you probably couldn't find a single picture of me fat or any of my old hobbies I used to be obsessive over. They were tossed.

I spent months in my basement working out. My stepfather had old weights and a treadmill he used years ago just sitting there unused. I was full of piss and vinegar. "When she sees me again she's going to regret everything" I told myself. "Everybody will wonder who I am or how they've never heard of me".

It was like a blur. I think during one month I had lost something like 30 pounds. I wasn't even feeling down any more, I was feeling nothing at all.

My weight kept shedding at an accelerated pace to the point where I had dropped from 270 to 175 within about 8 months and that's not even the slightest bit an exaggeration. Maybe it was unhealthy, maybe it wasnt, but it worked. Every morning was protein shake followed by nothing but oatmeal and protein throughout the day followed by dinner with some sort of natural foods.

I got my GED, got a liscense, obtained 20 college credits within 8 WEEKS and then joined the military at an elevated rank because of it.

My confidence went from NOTHING to being a bit too cocky for my own good, but the recovery felt amazing. I felt excited to experience the life I missed out on from my hot, nasty bedroom for 3 years.

I never ran into that chick again and I honestly don't care to. In my head I tell myself I'd thank her but I honestly do not give a shit any more.

I now make six figures doing Air Traffic Control outside of the military thanks to the 6 years I did in the Air Force. It all worked out.

/r/bipolar Thread