That just about describes me about a year ago; I am still depressed but I'm not as emotionally numb. I've been doing better lately. I have a social worker, the first one who I'm actually comfortable speaking too, she's hooked me up with a doctor (honestly not even sure if I'll need anti-depressants any more.. Just pills for insomnia and appetite) and got me volunteering in the community. This has definitely been the largest step towards me getting better. I'm on welfare and do odd jobs on the side for spending money. I spend my days volunteering as a landscaper or at the humane society. It's hard to feel numb when I am working so hard outside or dealing with hundreds of animals every day.
A pack of smokes a day and getting hammered won't kill you. I'm not even sure if you can overdose off tobacco. Taking that much drugs of those kinds is doing one thing to your body... Making you feel like shit. If you don't want to be numb to emotions stop abusing these drugs. If you want to actually risk your life then move onto different drugs.
I smoke weed, I drink and I smoke tobacco, I don't abuse them though. About a gram of weed a day helps my insomnia, appetite and stops me from snapping when I feel a breakdown coming on. I'm addicted to tobacco which is the thing I hate most about myself. I'll never have more than 5 smokes a day though; usually closer to 2-3. Unfortunately I can only very rarely get out of bed or take a shit without tobacco. I drink only when I can afford it. Booze is the only drug that's ever controlled my life. I rarely have hard liquor anymore and I'll never have more than 3 beers a day. I probably go through about 12 a month.
I've been single for years now. Try to see if you can put a girlfriend at the bottom of your priority list. Relationships are way more stressful than being single (obviously not for everyone.. But if your having problems keeping a girlfriend..). Hypothetically, does a girl want to date you? When I ask myself that the answer is always no and I'm not worried about finding a girlfriend until that answer is yes. Same thing with friends.. I'm going to have a breakdown if someone ditches me so I don't talk to pe