I'm like this. I like to be dominant and in complete control, but I don't like inflicting pain. I'll call the shots and put my SO in positions where I have more control: cowgirl and pegging mostly. I also view blowjobs as a form of dominance, slip a finger up his ass and drive him wild. People might think the opposite, but from my perspective I have complete control over his pleasure and I love that. When submissive, he does like pain though, so I'll give love bites, hair pulling, and light scratching, but I don't do anything too painful. I think there are a lot of ways to be dominant but not be violent.

I'm not involved in the BDSM community so I'm not sure their views on it. Not sure what resources are out there, I just do what I like and listen to what my partner likes.