Okay, so she messaged me for the first time in weeks right after I made this post! (I’m sure it’s still just as friends though, she has said she doesn’t want to date me.) I’m not going to reply. This is because I’ve realised that I only want her for validation. It sounds kind of messed up but I think I don’t actually like her or like talking to her that much, I just want something from her. If I wanted a true connection, then I could find it with someone else right? If I really wanted love then I could just talk to a friend, or my mother. It’s something else I want, it’s her specifically- it’s validation. Talking to her is super stressful and she’s kind of a narcissist (as am I evidently..) so it’s pretty one sided and thus actually boring. So when she messaged me just now I realised that I have actually won. She clearly does value me because she messaged me, so that is the validation I’ve been looking for. Boom, done. So if I just stop here, then I kind of win. I don’t actually need much more then this, I just think I do. It’s kind of like gambling, I guess I have to stop when I’m winning right? Before she inevitably stops messaging me. I always thought I wanted to date her, but now I’ve realised that it may instead be just validation seeking I can try and override the impulse to continue talking to her. All that being said, I may well change my mind in the next few days so wish me luck!