That sounds like a lot of stress! I have been through something similar and I can relate to feeling "left behind" while everyone else moves up. It sounds like videogames are a form of escape (which can be a good thing) but when it comes to something big like finding your direction/motivation/niche in life I don't think an eacape will do much.

Maybe consider whether or not your friends acheivements are something you want for yourself. Do YOU consider them valuable acheivements for yourself? You may find that you value things that are much different. Maybe ass you study for the exams your brain is telling you "Scrubben, this is not OUR direction! We gotta find our own path!". (I'm not saying you shouldn't take the exams - you should definitely take them).

You might find that you have been chasing other people's goals. You say you have little to no friends - is having more friends something YOU value... or is it just something you feel you should value because other people value it?

If you were on a desert island for the rest of your life, what would make you happy? Try to imagine it. Would you be happy to be there, build yourself a hut and relax on the beach? Would you be miserable and wish you were in a city (what do you see yourself doing in the city?)

I have found that my self esteem is based on how I live up to MY own expectations. From how I behave when I am faced with the choice to go with the group, or go against it according to my ideals (for example jumping in the water to save a dog, while the crowd just stands and stares at the exhausted dog). It took me 35 years to figure out that I was using the wrong "ruler" (that ruler being society) when it came to acheivements. Yours will be something else, but whatever it is will be unique to YOU. I would not be surprised at all if you find that Aspergers gives you that extra little skill that will help you achieve your goals ;)

Another question that might help you figure out what you want to do with your life - if you were a member of a Native American tribe, what would you be doing to contribute to the group? What would help you feel part of the group? What skills would you be valued for?

I think you have some great advantages. You are only 15, are aware of having Aspergers, and are aware that you are feeling like you are drifting through life. The world is your oyster! Seriously!