Working as the janitor isn't a great job, but it pays the bills. My name is Bruce.

Formally, I'm an engineer of sorts, but it's my 8th year in and even I've lost respect for my title. I clean up after these scientists and administrators; some of them are alright, but sometimes you'll walk into a douchebag thinking all his years of research is worth a damn- guy can't even cure his constipation, I have to scour his shit stains inside the porcelain bowl to his lab bathroom; the smell also lingers indefinitely, what the hell does he eat? One time I was called in to sweep up a mountain of glass shards in one of his labs he wrecked; I mean there was a hole on the side of the building and everything. They called it a "freak accident"- fuck my life, spent nearly a week cleaning that up. I cut myself on one of the darn glowy things, they said it was "probably harmless," I probably now have cancer now too- fuck.

So, I'm sitting in one of the lounges eating someone's tuna salad- I mean I've seen this lonely container be in here for a few days now. I'm just angry at this weird green freak on TV, probably some sort of publicity stunt for a new movie or something- they got helicopters shooting and tanks in the middle of the city. Who'd pay to watch such garbage? Why doesn't this tuna salad have mustard in it? Is there any mustard? I looked inside one of the stock rooms- "Acetic acid..." surely that's vinegar, "...something spicy," I sneak into Jane's lab and take her pepper spray, "This should work" and there's enough sugar in the lounge long since nobody wants to clean the coffee pot.

As I was eating the more flavorful of the spoiled tuna salad, there it was- my eureka moment.

"I'm going to the city headquarters!"

I didn't know what I was doing, but on my way out I started eating things I shouldn't... or should? I nabbed some activated charcoal, and washed it down with a shot of water.

I grabbed my helmet and got on my scooter.

I saw a security checkpoint and I really didn't give a fuck about a movie being the cause of road closures. I flashed my ID and they let me through, company badge is pretty handy actually. I ended up near some busted tank decals but the smell of smoke was pretty darn impressive, "So this is how actors get into their roles..."

I noticed there wasn't anybody around. I saw a growing shadow in the sky. I estimated- haha no, I "guessed" that something big was dropping here and for good reason. I hightailed it on my scooter and a vast green humanoid descended into an impact which knocked me off my scooter. I didn't do a three-point landing, I did a rolling tumble to distri- what am I describi- what am I saying?

Aww fuck, my scooter.

"Hey Mr. Director, can you shut off your fucking robot!" "I'm fucking tired of..."

Eureka moment number two... It dawned on me.

This is the asshole from the lab... "Motherfucker." The fucking asshole heard me. Fuck. I'm staring into this fucker's eyes.

Now, I've been in a lot of fights in my life, never really won any of them without ending up in stitches... I just don't think this time it'll be stitches.

I don't know but I just went with it- my gut told me a few things to do. I ran toward the lab freak and what do you know, he lunges with his fist pulled back. He's gonna make a mess.

Whoo, I dodged that pretty quick. He punched a crater into a fire hydrant. I run towards him again, it's pretty fun actually, I'm a bull fighter and he's the bull. He gets bigger and stronger after every miss, I get faster- or smarter? In any case, my life pretty much depends on it.

So this lab creation gone wrong is now wet, electrocuted, charred, and I am just dirty. He looks like he's shrinking now, I'm exhausted actually.

Eureka moment, oh no, not again.

I didn't plan this out, I swear, It was like orchestrated or something- I saw the bigger picture. I've been tightrope walking the entire time. One more should do the trick. I run toward him.

Now, I should explain myself here, I've been running at him; but all I've actually done is something extremely common- orbiting, like planets to stars, except I'm no planet, I'm smaller. Shit, I can't explain stuff I don't know how to explain.

Just watch.

He's been collapsing city infrastructure- little does this bozo know about major underground networks. He'll be buried alive, drowning in everybody's shit. It's like quicksand for giants.

Actually, that's just it. It's quicksand.

Boy do I feel dumb.