3. [EU] ISIS gets more than they bargained for when the kidnap Daily Planet reporte...

[EU] ISIS gets more than they bargained for when the kidnap Daily Planet reporter, Clark Kent.

"It's recording now, innit." 17 year old Omar switched on the camera.

This was the first time Clark Kent had heard his captor speak in English.

"Is that a British accent?" he asked.

"What about it."

"It means you left your relatively comfortable life in the UK for Syria. Only to find its no Arab Spring Break."

"Yeah it is definitely not a break. What would you understand mate, you were born in America."

"Actually I wasn't. I guess you could say I'm an illegal alien." Clark Kent smiled. He ripped off his shirt to reveal the superhero costume below. He used his telekinesis to hold Omar at gunpoint.

"Holy shit abed." said Omar. "Thought you were just on telly."

"Keep it recording." said Superman. "Tell the camera what it's really like out here."

"It's fucking nasty man. Nothing like Call of Duty. Just fucking stabbings and beheadings all the time, nowhere to sleep, shit living standards, washing dishes for these old fucking men, no data to access Twitter half the fucking time..."

"And what would you say to someone like you, wanting to join ISIS?"

"Fuck that shit man. It's not what it seems."

"Now post that online."

Omar promptly uploaded the video to Twitter. "I'm really fucking relieved I didn't have to behead you on camera." he said. "Though they're definitely gonna behead me now."

Superman handed Omar a rock. Something from space, it seemed.

"Take this." said Superman. "It'll make you invulnerable to beheadings and give you super strength. Use it to free everyone ISIS has taken hostage in this area."

"Whoa, so I'm my own superhero." said Omar. "I'm gonna call myself... Badman."

"Not quite. Any undue violence and you lose your powers. And you have to make amends for the violence you've facilitated so far, by returning Syria to the Syrian people." said Superman. "As for me, I will go back to doing my job as a journalist. I hope to be reporting on ISIS losing control of this town by evening. Now farewell."

"Wait, Superman. You defend truth, justice and the American way. Even though you weren't actually even born in America. Do you think I can do that?"

"If there's something from your upbringing that you thought was good, it's yours to defend. Now so long!"

And thus Badman was born, proud defender of football, vindaloo and the British way.

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