*Here's a cringe from a few years ago I had written one day. Thankfully I've changed quite a bit from then, but I'm still going to have to use my alt reddit acc for this post. *
>I realise how much of a loser I am. Not many or any real friends at school (Yr 11) 16 years, currently studying for gcses in like 1 and a half months. This is the worst time to genuinely feel depressed for the first time.
-How my day went:
>got to school with my brother because the people who live on my road who are also in my class who i used to go to school with hate me now.
>School OK, maths non-calc went pretty good - some guys and I talked about ecchi in physics
>when got home I ate some stuff then tried to take a nap because i've never successfully taken a nap and actually gone to sleep.
>first time took a nap during day
>ohfuckno.jpeg
>mum told me to turn the oven on and shit for diner cuz she at work
>look at time when i wake up and it past time.
>shitshitshit
>she already knows im bad at this stuff
>get up, panic, clean up food wrappers and shit and turn on oven.
>fuck that was close
>go upstairs and get changed
>hear mum call me
>"ANON"
>she not happy
>go downstairs and she tells me that i didn't turn the oven on
>i said i did
>she explains that i only turned on the oven light
>im retarded, i though i had put the oven on but i only turned on it light
>this might not seem like much but it made me realise how much of a loser I am
>hopefully this changes in future
conclusion: I watch anime, i read manga, i play video games, i listen to kpop, my only real friends that i enjoy doing stuff with are my cousins, my brother i try to get on with always shout at me when i try to be nice and says i have no friends, have no interest in any females I have encountered so far- worries me if i'll ever find someone, acne hasn't changed or shown any sighns of going away for past year - i use products and dont touch it or anything, girls and guys at school avoid me cuz im ugly and look always like as if im gonna kill somebody or something, have such a small attitude towards working, dont go out with anybody cuz no friends, i spent basically all my time on internet and reddit/4Chan/twitter, im worried that i'll become hikikomori, i'm an introvert, im beta as fuck, brought up in muslim family - I don't want to be muslim cuz missing out on apparently best food in world and bacon - but if i stop being muslim i will even loose my cousins as my only friends, i hide my true self from cousins and family, don't want to live in england in future cuz its a shithole filled with chavs and sluts, londons pretty cool but is expensive as fuck, would like to live in tokyo/seoul/shanghai/hong kong/singapore/kuala lumpur/California/New York/Seattle idk where my life is going, currently saving up for oculus cuz its awesome (also step away from reality + it makes waifus real), realise its not gonna be so much fun without friends, mum still makes me go to my scout group, they for some reason now hate me too (maybe because people from my school also go there - spread rumours maybe), got some pretty nice people at school who i like to talk to but they all have a better person to talk to than me so they never come to me - only if the person they usually are with arent there i may have the chance to make a quick talk, even teachers have started to become awkward with me - physics teacher/form tutor, because of shitty high school life im scared i'll stay virgin forever because i have had no experiance with females, my fetish is Zettai ryoiki, im scared for my life, i dont have any suicidal thoughts because i hope it'll get better in future, only get invited by my used to be friends to cinema like once a year out of pitty, everyday go home from school to just sit at my computer, my brother is still calling me a loner and he gets friends over all the time - idk if hes joking or is fucking stupid enough to not realise i'm actually lonely - or he thinks its funny/ or he doesn't care it hurts me
Realisation: Mfw i basically have no friends Mfw im worried about my future Mfw im not even working like at all even though gcses in like 1 month Mfw im a loser