Ahh, so you feel life is meaningless. Personally, actually reading existential philosophy helped me because it made me feel more in control of my life. While yes there is no "meaning" if you think this way, you have to give life meaning. And it can be liberating thinking that meaning is whatever you want it to be. So whatever your mindset, it all hinges on you to a large degree.

Yeah, I've read a bit of philosophy. Albert Camus and the like. I get that I should make up my own meaning, but I can't seem to find anything in life that excites me. I just want that short term high and leave it at that, but I realize that it isn't necessarily good for my mental health.

Relationships aren't for everybody, but not every marriage ends in divorce. If half of marriages end in divorce, you also have to remember the other half don't. This is very black and white thinking but you're only seeing the negative here, which leads to this spiral of "everything is hopeless."

I know I'm being very cynical. I guess these issues stems from the fact that I know a lot of guys cheats, and I'd rather just get validation from a lot of different guys and have a night of fun than end up in a miserable relationship/marriage. I'm also very sensitive and I don't want to get hurt. So having a fling is easier to deal with for me. I know I'm missing out on a lot of great things by not letting myself risk getting hurt, though.

Honestly, this isn't the place to go to talk to people if you have self-destructive behaviors. Please see a counselor.

Yeah, I agree, I just figured a lot of INTJs struggle with existentialism to some degree. I'm definitely seeking professional help is this doesn't eventually get better.

And also figure, if life is empty and meaningless, aren't self destructive behaviors equally useless? I get that in the moment they feel cathartic or give you that temporary high, but that's really just self medicating.

You got a point!