Sorry for how long this turned out to be
My husband and I dated in high school (both 16) and got married two years after graduating (both 20). As soon as I got married, his family began asking for offspring. I put an abrupt end to it from everyone but his mother. That lady still hasn't accepted that we won't be procreating. Anyway, we moved to his second duty station when we were both 21 and I met the most horrible women I'd ever come across. All of them were 18/19 with at least one kid. Bingoes from everywhere, BUT they were only directed at me. They never said anything when my husband was right beside me. As soon as he walked away, though, they'd start and I grew to hate military functions with a passion. I finally met an officer's wife (my husband is enlisted) who was 30 and was pregnant with her first child. I told her we weren't having kids, ever, and she was the first person to smile and say "Good for you for knowing what you want. It takes a certain kind of bravery to go against the norm. Just know, the zings never end. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm getting the, 'When's the next one coming?' They just about die when I tell them it'll be an only child."
Essentially I got my license to not give a damn from someone who was having a baby. Unfortunately, you won't know where the hidden gems are, and you have to go through all the abhorrent people to get to them, sometimes. She and I are close friends now and not once has she attacked me for my stance.
You should also be wary of the users. I hate that I have this next experience to share but I feel I should warn any women trying to be friends with other military spouses. When we moved to my husband's third duty station, I went to a unit function (a Welcome Aboard thing) and met a sergeant's wife with two kids. We talked and while she seemed a little put off by my CFness, she also seemed friendly and nice and invited me over for lunch the next Monday. When I showed up at her house, she looked like she was ready to go out (she was dressed too "fancy", Idk if that makes any sense). I thought she had forgotten I was coming over for lunch and she said, "Oh, nonsense. I have your plate on the table, hon." I asked her if she was eating and that's when she said, "Actually, I was hoping you would watch my kids for a few hours. My girlfriends invited me out for mani/pedis and lunch." I stared at her. "You're kidding, right?" She said no. I vividly remember scoffing and starting to walk to the door. She ran after me asking where I was going. I told her I was going home. "But who's gonna watch my kids," she asked. Yes, she actually asked that.
I don't know what happened with her and her planned outing but I didn't stop walking. I got home a few minutes later and am ashamed to say I sat in bed and cried. I couldn't believe people like her existed. All I was looking for was friendship, simple, honest friendship and all the lady saw in me was someone to be used to watch her kids. She later texted me that she was upset with me and that she thought if I spent time alone with her kids, I'd reconsider having some of my own. I replied with a "Don't contact me again" and blocked her number. I've yet to meet any friends where I am now (25 and in the south), but to me, no company is tons better than bad company.