Very sorry to you about your traumas. Do not feel guilty about using weed. You are young tho and your brain will develop a dependacy on if. When I was your age 18 years ago. My teeth were falling out my only relief and time I ate was when I was stoned and I was shamed for this my father was also an acoholic. I’m 38 and I still feel shame although everything I do is legal. I have been in legal troubles when I was 32. I been through some shit is all. I promise you today I am happy all I use is weed anyone that shamed me or shames me I just shame them right back. You need to be happy weed might be your only source. Learn to harness its benefits learn to know when you use your dopamine release from the plant to improve your quality of life. Always move forward don’t let the stigma hold you back you need to do you