You are absolutely not a failure !! You did a big step and you just need time to get yourself comfortable , next time it will be better but know don’t fill yourself with negative thoughts and shame for no reason , you did great ! ☺️ i have a same experience with my gynaecologist , last summer I had an infection on my kidney and they put my catheter in the wrong hole and 2 months ago I went for a gynaecologist visit and without telling me prior she decided to do a pap test and no need to say that I was not able to do it and broke down and almost fainted . I’m still truing to find the courage to go and do it . So don’t pressure yourself no need to . You did great .