I understand what you mean, but I think it's wrong. I know it's wrong in my case. I'd take the gang rape ten times over the emotional abuse-rape thing. There are several reasons for that, but one of them is lack of understanding that force is not only physical force. Imagine the amount of shame you have to induce in someone, how low you have to trample their self worth, to make them accept that kind of treatment. Imagine how hard it is to change that back. It's not just untieing the ropes and you're free. In the other rape, I was free when the drugs wore off and they left me. I was hurt, but I had my free will back and I knew it wasn't my fault. So did everyone else. No one asked why I didn't just leave.

Physical abuse does not always trumph emotional violence, like your bear analogy suggests. Being beaten half dead every week is obviously worse than being yelled at a bit too much. But being slapped a couple of times by an otherwise loving parent is not worse than being told every single day of your childhood that you're an ugly, disgusting, worthless piece of shit by the people who are supposed to love you. It just doesn't work like that. And yes, if I was going to be abused anyway, I'm glas some of it was physical so that I get to be a "real", worthy abuse victim in the eyes of society and not some kind of imposter.