I appreciate where you're coming from but have a different perspective.
Calorie counting isn't particularly hard once you get the hang of it. You find healthy things, put in your mouth, put them in the app, repeat until you are out of calories. Neither is working out for reasonable levels of fitness. You get a regimen, do it, repeat.
I have been eating whatever the past couple weeks while I've been doing certification training for 12-14 hours a day that will hopefully land me a $50k/year job after a 5 week unpaid externship, at 20 years old, after which I'm going to start putting myself through college on my way to veterinary school.
My boyfriend is overweight and just finished taking his COMLEX, which is an eight hour exam at the end of the second year of medical school, which he is putting himself through after putting himself through undergrad.
Both of us are going to get healthy soon but we've up until this point been so overwhelmed with other things - him with his boards studying, being a good son to his family, volunteering, being a good friend to his large social circle, me on figuring out how to move out of my parent's house, how to handle bizarre circumstances, doing hobbies (photography/music), etc - that remembering to start being cognizant of this new extra thing has slipped our minds.
Being healthy is great. Being unhealthy is bad. I am unhealthy and want to be healthy. When I become healthy I will be really proud of myself.
That said, I think using fitness as a barometer of discipline is overselling people who have it and underselling people who don't. If my boyfriend and I did get into excellent shape, I think "he eats a low calorie diet and goes to the gym" would be extremely far down on the list of things we do which impress the other.
To be caring, inspired, passionate, empathetic, open minded, open hearted, driven, focused, humble, confident.... Those are all things I see in him and those are all things that take a lot more than going on evening runs and subbing salads for Taco Bell.
For the second time. Being healthy is good. Unhealthy is bad. Blah blah. But I think there's much more to a person. If anyone reading this wouldn't wanna sleep with me because of my BMI that's nothing bad - we like what we like - but if you think people who aren't notably physically fit are 'lazier than you until proven otherwise' I'm gonna disagree.
Furthermore, if you decide to not give anyone who is overweight a chance due to assumptions about their psychology, I think that's unfair to both parties. You recently stopped drinking a soda. I recently woke up at 6 am to go to school, spent all day there, and got home at 6 pm. If you spent your day exactly the same way as me, but additionally included 'I recently stopped drinking this soda and my body is more toned,' and made similar small decisions that accumulated into you being healthy, while putting in that constant push to be self aware, you would be marginally more impressive than me.
If everything else were exactly the same. But it's not. I don't know what you're doing. Why. How. What slope you're on. Whether your climbing up or slipping down. How much effort you put in every day. Neither do you about me. Or anyone else. Talk to people. Give them a chance. Find out.
I'm sure there are tons of physically fit people who - in the other areas of life - put me to shame, and maybe you're one of them; however, I am equally sure that there are tons of overweight people who - overall - put you to shame as well. Yes, trends are a thing, but they shouldn't be used as a tool to assess individuals. That's an ecological fallacy.
From what I understand, you're potentially missing out on lifelong partners because you think they might be lazy and don't want to find out. Give people a shot.
I hope this was worth the effort (mine and yours).
Thanks for reading.