I grew up in my biological middle class family and my parents belong to the category that does not divorce and sticks together no matter what. My sisters are typical for their social group.I was much more brilliant and less pretty and girly than my sisters. I became much more educated and had a wider knowledge than mom and my sisters as a teenager. I was reading, crafting, drawing, writing, playing sports... all the time while they were gossipping, dressing, studying make up, watching themselves in the mirror and being just dumb. They bullied me badly for using complicated terminology, my atheism, my intellectual pursuits, my strange hobbies and ideas. I was self confident and knew that their aggressivity was just their way of compensating for inherent lack of self esteem. I didn't understand why they could not just work hard on building it up.

However, I never tried to harm anyone of them. I never tried to get them into trouble. I never took any pleasure in seeing them in trouble. I always tried to help them. They were as lazy and entitled as f#!

I'm a much more successful adult now and I don't feel good bc of that. I'm happy and grateful for my talents and achievements but I don't take any special satisfaction from being better than anybody.

If you look closely. You're a dot/element of a structure. Them being shitty had harmed you. Them being shitty harms them and the society around them and anything they come in contact with. You can't take any pleasure from something that caused you so much pain.