I plan to delete this soon, if any women struggle with the same and found a way to deal, please let me know (dm!). I came to the uncomfortable realization that the bigger issue/theme in my life which also will hinder marriage prospects, is my inability to open up and be vulnerable. I have huge problems with expressing any vulnerability and allowing people to *really* get to know me, spend a lot of time with me and see all parts of me. You can call it avoidant attachment/hyperindependent, but it doesn't really matter what the label is, if there's even one. I just don't know how to tackle this at all? I've been so disinterested in relationships not just because I 'dislike dating' or 'have high standards' but because I quite literally can't imagine actually being with someone, and not only that: the thought of it fills me with dread. On the other hand, I also believe life is more beautiful with someone and I want kids so it's very conflicting :/