Most of the Muslim women I know in search of husband's are looking for men they can build a life with. Most of them have degrees they worked extremely hard for, and would love a husband who won't feel emasculated if their wife works to build the home they want to raise their kids in. They also want husband's who will pull their weight at home since they're both working, and be wonderful and involved father's. These women tend to be less traditionally minded, and more partnership minded.

The ones that want a big Mehr either aren't interested in the man (a high Mehr is a great way to politely put off a proposal) or don't want a dip in quality in life. They tend to be more traditional, which is fine if that's what they want. They want a man that provides EVERYTHING in the beginning because while there's no certainty that the man may be a good emotional partner, they may as well be certain that he's a good physical provider. They're happy to defer all financial responsibility to him, so they need to choose someone who has proven to be financially responsible in the first place.

They could also be extremely sheltered and unaware of how much things cost, or they might be under the advice of their parents who don't want to see their daughter in a state lower then what she's accustomed to.

For what it's worth I come from a very wealthy family, and I went slightly against my families wishes in marrying my husband because he was poor. They said they would never give us a cent if I married him (they were previously going to gift me a house if I married the man they wanted me to) but I did anyway. We spent the first three years of our marriage very poor (which was really jarring for me - I was used to buying whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and suddenly we were in a fall-apart house with sheets instead of curtains) but alhmd. We both worked really hard and we worked out way out from actual poverty (lol we used to split a single can of tuna for the whole day and rice which was cheap) and he's about to make partner at his firm. I am well enough known in my field now that I work three days a week, and I stay home raising my kids the rest of the week. We aren't rich the way I grew up rich, but we're comfortable and happy. Even better, we are beholden to no one except Allah and he's one of the best men I know.

But that's what I wanted. I liked him for non material reasons (although material reasons are totally fine if that's what a woman wants) and I was willing to give up my monthly shopping sprees and regular international holidays for him. But even before marrying him he had proven himself to be someone who will work hard to support the people he loved.