Thanks for this. I've been meaning to write something similar for a while but haven't had time. I'll try to write a tl;dr for myself here since it's topical:

Being a stay at home mom is not my thing either, but I've had to do it all this time because the nature of my "day job" has been such that it won't pay for daycare anyway. The first year was so. so. hard. But now that Z is 15 months old I am finally starting to feel like myself again. She is walking and talking and playing games with me. She can help me out by carrying some of her stuff (i.e. a toy or a water bottle) and putting things away with me. She likes to "help" with cooking and other things too. She sleeps at night! It's actually fun at lot of the time.

I remember a lot of times though when, even though I knew it would eventually get easier, it really felt like it just never would. There have been a lot of tears, and there's been a lot of guilt and self recrimination. I have really been hard on myself sometimes for not loving staying home with Z. But it has gotten easier and it has gotten a lot more manageable in just over a year.

I'm still not a stay at home parent at heart--we're planning to put Z in part time daycare in the fall and I'm definitely looking forward to it (I really want to start working again). But being with her isn't anywhere near as challenging as it used to be. I admit that for a long time I was so scared of going through the newborn stage again that I became all but convinced that I would never want to go through it again, but now that we're well past infancy...it certainly seems a lot less onerous. As recently as a few months ago I would have said I was very sure we would not try for a sibling, but now I'm on the fence again. I feel like I could maybe do it again.

Okay that wasn't very tl;dr and I don't know if what I am trying to say is getting through but...if you are staying home and hating it and daycare isn't an option, there is still light at the end of the tunnel. It really does get easier. And you're not screwing up your kid by not being thrilled with being with them all day. Z is a happy, thriving, awesome kid. She will love daycare. And I'm finally ready to thrive again too.