I hear what your girlfriend is saying. And it's not irrational. What she fears could happen may actually occur, and may be a worse situation still for her. From the outside, it may seem to you or I that anything has to be an improvement on her current situation. In real life, though, that's far from the case. She's facing a number of extremely unattractive choices. The important thing is that she gets to choose.

No, you can't tell anyone about her situation. If you see a crime taking place in front of you -- her stepfather punching her, for example -- you've the right to pick up the telephone and call for the police, because you're testifying out of your own personal knowledge. Anything else you know, though, you learned because she trusted you with the information. Betraying that trust, and introducing yet another male figure in her life on whom she can't rely, will be far more harmful in both the short and long terms.

If you need support for yourself, that's fine, as long as you know that the confidant isn't going to pass the information along to a third party. But taking over the decision from her based on your idea of what is in her best interests? Counterproductive and unethical.

Believe me, I feel for you and the situation in which you find yourself The tension, I know, is a terrible thing with which to have to deal -- the sense that something bad can happen at any time, and you're powerless to prevent it. The truth of the matter, though, is that you're at that stage of your life where you're leaving boyhood behind and taking on a man's responsibilities. A pretty good definition of manhood, properly so called, is being strong for others: emotionally and mentally, not just physically.