Thanks for your response. I definitely was never trying to ruin her circle of friends or her job....I dont see how I would've done that either. I didn't know this guy was going to even contact her (im an idiot) back after I spoke to him.

Why exactly was telling Brad your ultimatum?

I thought he deserved to know. Not just because he deserved to know the truth but also that he probably would want to get checked. She had sex with 2 men while still sleeping with him. I put myself in his shoes and thought what would I want. Brad and I live pretty parallel lives. I feel genuinely awful for this guy. He's not the one I was in a relationship with but he is another human and he deserves to be treated with respect. I did not mean for it be an ultimatum but I think you're right it probably seemed like one.

you don't seem very realistic to me, sorry, OP, in terms of understanding how to be in a relationship.

oh you couldn't be more right. I dont know anything. I am in uncharted territory.

You don't know "how to do it right" yet seem to be trying to school her, versus letting her follow HER OWN conscience. And by 'letting' her I mean, get out of her face. Let me quote you to you: who ARE YOU to judge?

this is spot on. I think I shouldve let her follow her own conscience. I think to an extent I thought I was. It seemed like she wanted to come clean to him. I thought she was going to tell him EVERYTHING though from our conversation. I was crying and telling her "you've got to tell him, he has the right to know" and she, also upset, agreed wtih me. I thought she was going to tell him everything. When I asked her if she had talked to him she said yes and I thoguht that meant she told him everything. You're right though in that he shouldve never learned these things from me. That was never my intention. I apologized inasmuch as I said "i never meant for him to learn this from me" and "I'm sorry this is happneing like this while you're at work" How else do I make it clear that was not my intention?