Haha, you're hilarious, /u/YourRimLife! Are you kidding me?

Using my (above 5th grade) reading comprehension skills I can figure out based on what you've already said that you:

advertise for your gaming

have lengthy detailed questionnaires and/or a whole procedure for new players joining

have the attitude that everything players agree to up front stays that way and can't change

and the best part - "There are always more players".

If you were already happy with your current number of players and they weren't constantly leaving your games, you wouldn't be advertising for more players.

If were such an amazing DM you would already have a great word of mouth about your talents as a DM so you also wouldn't need to advertise online or set up elaborate session zero procedures. Your outstanding reputation would precede you.

Instead, your current players would be the ones going out and getting their friends and associates to join up. They would refer their friends to you. Easier since they're online.

Not really going that way for you, is it?

Here's a quick test for really great DMs and all lesser ones fail. Go and reach out to a former player and ask them if they can refer/invite someone they know to join one of your games.

The test isn't whether or not you get such a referral. The real test is whether or not that former player actually tries.

Do you have a single player that has stopped playing your games but would be happy to refer a friend of theirs to you? That's a fair question to ask.

And I'm not really "passive aggressive". I'm simply fair, honest, and at times - aggressive.