Hi Boobsucker123, so glad you took the time to read over my posts on SI. I would like to state, my boyfriend, or ex, however I should refer to him, is not back with me. We live separately, we are not a couple, he has not taken me back or forgiven my actions, quite rightly so.

I was a monster, I was a whore, I was selfish, I was ruthless all because I was flattered, I felt special, important, pretty, sexy, wanted, needed, I was easily convinced, easily persuaded, and I was stuck in a vicious loop. I made awful choices, I destroyed all trust in my relationship and broke my partners heart ultimately. I was always a weak person, he always tried to protect me, and a part of him was always expecting this to happen. I had no boundaries, I had full trust for everyone, and I had extremely poor judgement. I am in counselling, on anti-depressants, and I am working daily on bettering myself as a person. SI was a safe place for me to go to share my stories. It is a great community full of people who can relate.

I realise you may not be able to relate unless you have been in an affair, or been the betrayed partner. You can judge from the outside, but you don't know the people involved. Yes it is soul destroying for both, I have lost any respect for myself, as has my partner. He has plenty of options. He is beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving and is still young to start afresh. As much as I love him, and want a long happy, honest and fulfilling life with him, I only want him to choose the option that will make him happy and that he wants or feels is right for himself.

2 - 5 years is the recovery time for the aftermath of an affair. It is a extremely long and difficult journey. I can't change what I have done, I can't take my actions back as much as I wish I could. But I can build myself in to a better person, a safe partner. One that is strong, honest, transparent and loyal. So I can re-gain self respect for myself, and live my life happy, and if my partner decides to take me back, I will make him as happy as I possibly can, support him, be loyal to him, and dedicate my world to him.

Thanks for listening, I hope I managed to educate some of you on here. SI is a great place, if you do need help with relationship advice or support from a community that is understanding and willing to listen.