chiming in. i'm in the same boat. my mother would love nothing more than for me to have kids and i am dead set against it. i thought i'd grow into the idea eventually but here i am at 34, greedily eating birth control pills and hoarding condoms.

at my therapist's advice i told my mom i didn't want kids, it didn't go over well and was about how your conversation went. ugh it sucked!! we are very close on like every other thing but she seems really disappointed in me. my main chorus to my therapist is "what's wrong with me that i don't want a normal life and that i don't want children?" (i'm married/stable). therapist says just everyone is different and kids aren't for everyone.

i'm the last shot at kids tho for my family- i have several siblings but despite them both wanting kids, none of them have managed to get it happening (life situations, etc), and now they're aging out of the natural "best" age to have kids. one of them is trying artificial means and requested my, uh, help, in donating genetic material. i had a week long panic attack and my therapist said it was ok to say no. i barely talked to my sibling or really my parents for about a year, i just felt like a brood mare that people were keeping around for breeding, and no one really cared about me and my hopes/dreams/career/self anymore, it's just i have the youngest/most capable body right now so i'm up. it makes me very sad, and despite hours and hours going over this in therapy, there hasn't been a resolution. my mom only brings it up occasionally, but honestly the guilt of letting down my family and the "what ifs" really consume a lot of my waking hours. i spend my time laying awake at night willing myself to stop thinking about it the next day and to try and get some work done. thank god for this sub or i'd really feel like a crazy person.

anyway, no solutions, but lots of love and hugs. i finally decided after a year even that it was probably time to bury the supposed hatchet and move on, i pretend like that whole year didn't exist (the "chat" with mom and the "request" from sibling came like a one two punch, within a few weeks of each other so it came as kind of a shock). anyway i'm back to talking to them both, but still get nagged occasionally by my mother. again, no solutions, just hugs and camaraderie.