I have to say I think you’re 100% right about not reconciling. But I think the big difference between male and female bs’s, Is that a bigger majority of female BS are also in a position of being stay at home moms or the much lower wage earners. It’s one thing to go from a good paying job to saying I can’t stick through it. So I’m going to divorce. Yeah you take an income here no doubt. But it’s not like going out into the world with nothing. I’m a stay at home mom who is currently staying. And you’re right about reconciliation. It doesn’t work. But my kids are going to o struggle and pay double the price if I leave. Not only will they be kicked out into daycare and school (they have been homeschooled their whole lives) which will leave them feeling more abandoned than just losing their home base, but I will have significantly less time for them since I need to go get my masters to Get back into my old line of work. Plus I’ll have to be full time working too.

I have no doubt I can do it and be successful. But it’s 10 times more work and my line of work will eventually keep me very absent in the home. So now they won’t have kind of either parent to be present for them like they do right now. And it’s going to take me years before I can get even into a position to financially stabilize us. It’s such a double whammy and I didn’t even cheat. It’s like I have to pay the full price while he goes on easy street.

Male bs’s, your life usually doesn’t change in as much in its core routine. You still have settled jobs and friends. The decision to stay or go rests more exclusively in a little financial turbulence and living arrangements. For the woman, it usually means borderline bankruptcy and questionable living arrangements. I can’t even go back home to get help from my family since my WS won’t let me. They are a state away and he will (said as much) that he will keep me from going there despite the fact it will help me get on my feet and stabilize myself. It’s so messed up. I wish I never chose to get married or have kids. I love my kids more than anything but now I have to chose between not being able to support them and lose them or staying and continued abuse and disrespect. Some days death seems like the option out of this mess but I know that will mess my children up more. It isn’t even I can’t win, but I can’t survive any choice I make. Just makes the whole situation feel hopeless.