Imho it's worse than the actual cheating. When they gaslight they know in their mind and heart that everything you are accusing them of is true. And yet they still lie with the same sincerity they once did when they looked you in the eye and professed their love for you for the first time. That same spouse that stood at an alter and made a pledge to share their life with you, makes a conscious decision to commit a betrayal on top of betrayal to protect themselves and their lover knowing what it will do to you.

When they do something so up close and intimate, it adds a level of pain that transcends the sexual element. To me it feels like they reach into your chest and crush your heart with their bare hand.