You sound pretty strong.What was done to you was terrible and you lost a love. Grieving about it is necessary, even though it feels terrible. Luckily there are days, or for you maybe even periods when you can find the right switch to get back to your senses and self.

I occasionally had these kind of okay days. I'm 5 months after final dday, finaling our divorce. But triggers, reconciliation conversation talks (with and without mc), separation, divorce settlement, flasbacks, trickle truths and dreams have spiralled me down and made me cycle between a okay days and very bad days.But people are different. Hopefully you heal properly, and the recovery for you goes well.Keep strong.