My ex used to have similar conflicts surrounding that sort of thing, and I'm a trans woman who has a lot of problems with the same thing in the opposite direction. She never talked about it to anyone really as far as I know until one day I mentioned off-hand that I had a sex dream the night before where she had a penis. It turns out that we were both really into that and we used to do a lot of roleplay and sexting with that as the theme even though it was obviously physically impossible for both of us. But it was still really fun and she said that she was happy she could explore those thoughts since she never had a chance before. Maybe if you have a partner you could try to let her know and try something similar? She might end up being into it.

You aren't necessarily trans or anything like some people imply, sexuality and gender is more complicated than that. You can always explore that thought if it seems to resonate with you but it isn't the only option.