I'm in a relationship that has gone a little cold. We moved to a new city together so that I could go to grad school after living together for years. She is such a nice girl and when I met her I was coming off of a period where I was drinking too much and partying daily. I kind of felt like I needed a nice person to balance me out. In a way I turned her into some sort of 'evidence' that I was good after all. I've had my fair share of relationships and on a few occasions have ruined them with my drinking. She represented a new leaf. To be honest I really have cleaned up significantly. I rarely drink. I meditate and go to the gym regularly. The insight meditation is perhaps what is causing me to question my feelings. I mean we rarely have sex. Even when we do, I sometimes feel like I do it to keep things happy. This is possibly the reason for the somewhat cold behavior she has been exhibiting. I'm no better and I often do the same. Sometimes I just like to be left alone;opting to sleep on the couch. Yes, school has been stressful and I am often preoccupied with what I need to do. Yes, she has sort of switched to a uniform of sweatpants and baggy hoodies, and basically sits on the couch reading all day. I want it to be better. I want to have a passionate kind of relationship; which I have (albeit often dysfunctional) had in the past. So now I am sort of a a crossroads. My parents adore her, her family seems to like me. Everyone expects us to get married but deep down I kind of wonder if that means things will only get more mundane. I don't even really know if I can honestly say I've had an overwhelming desire for her. I feel like a complete asshole for this. I'm not cheating. I'm just finding myself more frustrated. When I bring things up, she kind of gets defensive and I sink back into feeling guilty. I guess the truth of the matter is that the women I have come across in grad school are exciting and so full of vigor. I don't really flirt or anything, I just have that voice in the back of my mind wondering what if? I guess I am worried that settling in with this person (who I really do care about) will lead to a family and kids, something she says she wants. This significantly raises the stakes and potential damage if I decide of run off with some PHD floozy. I have often been kind of a shy person and as I come to the end of my grad program, I find myself more confident, less self destructive yet more frustrated with our circumstance. So the shit show that will result if I break it off is keeping me in this weird place. There is someone I am attracted to that seems to be dropping hints. I'm in a complicated relationship situation although from the outside we seem like a nice couple. That being said, I have not asked her (the other person) out.