Hi there, I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I'm also struggling and haven't healed yet, but I'll share what I've been doing in hopes some of these work for you.

For feeling like an oddball, I attend ACA meetings. We "sit together like children who just survived a fire" and share our stories in a safe environment. This is comforting to many.

For going about the day unbothered, I start the day by dumping my fears and worries on a scratch paper, literally dump any thoughts, then discard the paper. There's something about the act of writing that clears my mind that I can't get from just talking or thinking.

And lastly for repeating traumas, I recently realized that I had not truly understood that I had an option to disengage from toxic people or situations. It's like my default mental programming was clutching to bad situations and trying to make things work, when there was an option to walk away. I know my bad childhood is the origin of this default programming, and been trying to consciously break away from it. Hope any of makes sense..

Wish you the best.