1_Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes 2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support. 3_What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor. 4_Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast. 5_What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message. 6_What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon. 7_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present. 8_How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave. 9_How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles. 10_How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up. 11_Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point. 12_Feminism 13_So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. 14_Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble. 15_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything. 16_What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery. 17_So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work. 18_Say what you want about pedophiles but they do drive slower through school zones 19_What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. 20_What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice. 21_What's white on top and black on bottom? US culture 22_Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free. 23_What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose. 24_How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months. 25_How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy. 26_How many Jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 5,999,995 in the ashtray 27_How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch. 28_What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult. 29_What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile. 30_What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period. 31_How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan. 32_What's black and blue and doesn't like to have sex? The little girl in my trunk 33_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. 34_Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14. 35_Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up. 36_Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't. 37_How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black. 38_What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage. 39_What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Getting the diaper back on. 40_What's difference between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars. 41_9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape 42_What's the best part about fucking a 12 year old girl? If you flip her over it looks like her little brother 43_One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life 44_I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone. 45_What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber. 46_What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong. 47_Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods. 48_What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs. 49_What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them. 50_Q: A black, a muslim and a mexican jump off a cliff to see who gets to the bottom first. Who wins? A: Society.