I honestly feel so miserable and powerless every waking minute of my life. I find no solace in anything anymore. All the hobbies and things I've tried to learn are just chores for me now. I try and try over and over to do a hobby and I'll end up just sitting in silence doing nothing.

I'm trans, but my parents are homophobic, transphobic and super religious. Meaning that I'm mostly closeted and only out to my one closest friend, but it feels terrible to hate myself every time I look in the mirror. I just don't want to feel like this anymore, but I can't do anything about it. I wrote a suicide note a couple years back, but I didn't act upon it. I brought up some with my parents a couple of months ago , but nevertheless, nothing has changed. I'm a minor, so it's not like I can just leave home or get help myself. However, I'm almost finished with high school, so I might be able to do something once I finish school and turn 18.

I've never really had a childhood as my parents' devotion to religion is immense to the point of not allowing me to really make friends with people considered "worldly" (you might be able to guess what religion my family is if you've heard this terminology used before). I've never had a birthday party, celebrate holidays, or go over to friends homes. The only good friend I currently have is one person I met at school. However, making more friends in school is now basically impossible as my parents moved me out of public school to go online a few years ago, so that I don't interact with "bad influences". I've talked to them about my feelings, but I'm afraid if I go in depth I'll lose them and I don't want to be alone. I'm always afraid that maybe this is the last day they'll talk to me and I'll be all alone like I used to be.

This isn't everything I'd like to put here, but it's not like it really matters that much. I'll probably end up deleting after a couple hours anyway. Well thanks either way to anyone reading this for taking some amount of time out of your day to indulge me.