Nearly cried yesterday because I can't afford to buy Christmas presents for my loved ones this year. Probably can't even afford rent in January. No idea what I'm going to do.

I'm depressed basically all the time. Whenever I have negative thoughts, I get this feeling in my head of some kind of thick black cloud that envelops my brain and squeezes it, to the point that my head physically feels heavier, and slightly painful.

I'm lonely all the time. My ex has a new boyfriend, and I'm incredibly jealous of how happy she seems now. Not because I want her back, just because I have no one and it hurts constantly.

I had the happiest night of many years a few weeks ago, with a girl who I thought was perfect, just cuddling, hanging out and having the best sex of my life, but then she just dropped me with basically no explanation. She said I'm not the kind of guy she usually dates, but I know for a fact that there was something between us, and I don't know what happened to it. I just want to know, but I can't bring myself to ask her.

I feel like the world is conspiring against me to fuck me over every time I gain one tiny shred of hope that maybe my life is about to turn around for the better.

But other than all that, I'm okay I guess.