So I saw a lot of responses about their ages, and I get that. My family went through a somewhat similar situation, recently, that ended in the worst way possible. I hope this can give you some perspective.

I'm 24 years old, this all happened this year.

My mother and stepfather had been in a pretty tumultuous relationship for a little over 13 years. By the beginning of this year it was pretty clear my mom was done with it all, but continued the relationship to an extent because my stepfather made decent money, and had through the years developed the habit of giving her every penny he had. My mom had just begun a new job, and within the first month had begun a sort of affair with a co-worker. She confided this to us, her children (all above the age of 22 at this point) and swore us to secrecy against our stepdad. My sister and I couldn't stand to do so, and admitted everything to our stepfather during one of his visits to our state.

In every way possible, we believed he was the victim. He had confessed to me once, the year before, that he truly believed he had no life after our mom. I had believed I'd convinced him otherwise (us, his own kids, his extended family; we all loved and wanted the best for him) and during our conversations after telling him about the situation, he led us to believe he was moving on, and that he was being the "better person" by letting go. We felt vindictive toward our mom, and we thought we understood the full picture. And despite our mom's increasing anxiety about the situation, and her increasing paranoia, we remained steadfast that he was the victim here. We couldn't see the full picture.

And then he showed up at her apartment. And he killed my mom, her new boyfriend, and then later himself.

When I tell you that people can make mistakes, and be convinced of something that isn't true, I'm telling you wholeheartedly. It doesn't matter what their age is. You can be convinced of things. You can love someone so much that you're blinded to their flaws, no matter how obvious. In retrospect, the signs were all there. But we never noticed them. The emotional and psychological abuse my mother endured over the years, the gaslighting, his narcissism, her narcissism - none of this was obvious until it was too late. And it is too late. I will forever live with the guilt of what happened. Were my sister and I in the wrong for siding with him? Were my brothers wrong for siding with her? These questions will never be answered.

I don't believe your daughters understood the severity of the situation. They made a mistake.

Whether you decide to talk to them is up to you, at the end of the day. At least in your situation, the option is still there.