Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I am very grateful to get that perspective about what may be needed and what may lie ahead. And it's definitely giving me a lot to think about.

As far as transitioning. It's complicated. When she and I got together, I was too naive and didn't understand the full weight of her journey as a trans women or what was yet to come. I just knew that I wanted someone kind to love me and that she was telling me she planned to keep that body but happened to have a woman's mind. That she never planned to come out to her family. To me I could understand that and accept it. I should have more carefully considered if she decided to transition in the future, even if she said she didn't plan to.

The thing about it is that I want her to be happy and healthy above everything. Just like she can't change who she is, I can't change the core of who I am either. I have thought about it over the years, though. I'm not attracted to the female body at all, so it will be hard, but I feel like I can give up sexual attraction and give up the kind of sex I am used to with her, but the issue is will she be happy knowing her wife isn't physically attracted to her new body? I think that would be damaging? I'm not even sure that is a healthy way to have a relationship? I don't want her to feel that pain. And while I think I can handle a relationship without so much physical passion and just base it off of love, will I feel that way forever? I have no idea. Usually sex is an important part of intimacy. I could go through the motions, but if I am not feeling the feelings physically, I would think that'd also be damaging. It's confusing because if it were a friendship the answer would come so easily to me about accepting her transition, but since it's a romantic committed relationship everything gets more complicated, since I have to think about my own identity and needs as well.

I also have fears about my family knowing because despite our differences on religion, I'm very close to them. I don't want it to become my parents vs my partner if they begin to clash. It gives me a lot of anxiety thinking about it. She gets to make her own decision about family vs her transition, but I don't want to give my own family up. Because if it got to the point of them saying "her or us" I know the right thing to do would be to choose her, because that is very transphobic of them, but it's not always easy to let go of one's family. So I don't even want to be put into the position to choose. But in the end, I don't really get a choice on that since it's her transition. I got into quite a complicated situation.

I could go on listing my reservations, but my point is that no matter my fears or concerns, her safety and mental health matters most to me. Even if it means her leaving me someday (I know this may sound cold but I don't mean it that way. I would be devastated, but I've lost many people in my life, emotionally and literally, and learned that I am strong enough to endure even the worst of trials). I hope we can work it out, but I think the issues are deep and would need serious counseling to resolve and understand. Even though I've never told her she can't transition, I'm sure she is afraid of all the things I am afraid of too.

So no, I won't leave her, and yes I support her transitioning, but I have a feeling it will open a can of worms that will have to be sorted. I appreciate you pointing out that it's something that needs to be thoroughly thought-through. I agree and will do my very best. And I apologize if I said anything offensive in this response. I am trying to learn how to be more understanding.