"You mean, like, if you're 142 lbs and under, you're the hottest girl in the room, and if you're 142.00000001, everybody thinks you're a disgusting fatty?"

Being disingenuous here? When I'm below a particular dress size, my body type seems to become attractive to the men I encounter, and dating becomes remarkably easy. I cross the "not fat" threshhold. My weight is magically no longer a barrier. Strangers open doors, make eye contact, and chat casually with me at the coffee shop. I've heard similar stories from other women I know who have struggled with their weight.

"That is to say that, where it comes to you as an individual trying to date individual men, your non-physical attributes play a commanding role in your success."

If one fails to meet a certain attractiveness threshhold, the majority of men -- and certainly the vast majority of men I've encountered online -- will not consider one's other qualities. I have been fat, and then thin again within the span of a single year thanks to things like prednisone or dissertation writing.

When I was fat (and I'm talking 40+ over my normal weight on a 5'5" frame), I wasn't behaving or grooming any differently. I simply have no sexual or romantic value to most (not all, but the vast majority) men in my peer group -- professional, well-educated men 22-35 in (god help us) NYC, Boston, DC, and Philadelphia. Looks and height are not especially important to me, so I wasn't artificially narrowing my pool. I got laid quite a bit, yes, but these guys would not take me seriously as a romantic prospect.

I just think people are doing larger, or unconventionally attractive women a disservice by peddling this fantasy that looks and weight are secondary to other attributes in the eyes of most men. It can be maddening to have women who have not been fat invalidate your experiences (and I mean this generally, not addressing you specifically).