You are completely and utterly missing the point. Losing your child is unimaginable for most of us, at any age. Losing your child.

Regardless of whether or not your pain from a birth that didn't go quite as well as you expected should be recognized as valid, you don't tell someone who just lost a child that your pain is just as valid as theirs! You both might have valid feelings of pain, but they are unequivocally different and you telling op that your pain is just as valid as hers makes a false equivalency to losing a child. And no matter how real your pain, it isn't the same to the pain of losing a child. They are entirely different! Different doesn't mean your pain isn't valid, but it does mean that unless you've experienced a loss of a full term infant you will not understand. I've watched two close friends lose their twins after premature rupture of membranes, and my husband's cousin buried their three month old infant when I was eight months pregnant, and I don't know what it's like to feel that pain. But I do feel empathy for them. And part of that empathy is to let op grieve.