Yeah it's a shitty situation. I went through times of feeling bad for him but then when I had to go to multiple doctors appointments, lawyers, court, physical therapy, etc. I thought well shit I wouldn't be going through this if it weren't for him. It was embarrassing to have my mom get up at 4 am to give me anti inflammatories and painkillers because I couldn't open the bottle because of my arm. It was embarassing to have to get a ride to university everyday. It was embarrassing to use a crutch to get around and see people pity me or try to not stare.

On the plus side I went from a 2001 Corolla to a 2011 Tacoma. And I left what turned out to be a shitty job run by corrupt and malicious people.

But if I could have done it over again I wouldn't have gotten in the car that night. The physical pain was dwarfed by the emotional damage. My mind has never been the same. Yes I have a better vehicle. But I suffer panic attacks at certain times on the road. I can't drive at certain hours. My mind is out of whack. I missed out on some fun times with friends. My relationship isn't the same and my girlfriend didn't sign up for this. I lost my ability to see the better side of life. I wanted to be erased from the Earth without a trace. I'm making my way back from that brink but every step is hard. I got into kayaking because I didn't need my knee. I've started backpacking and hiking again but my knee keeps me up at night afterwards because it aches so bad.

It's easy to hate. It's easy to just stay inside and play xbox and not socialize. But I don't want to be that. I want to get back to normal. I have to keep myself for hating the guy who hit me. Yes I am paying for his mistake but he is paying for his as well.

I just want things back to how they were before...even with my crappy little car that I fell into and wrestled to get out of (I'm 6'3"). That car was great.

TL;DR Don't drink and drive people. It's not worth it. I look the same on the outside but I am a shadow of my former self on the inside.