I feel like such a fraud too. Last time reddit had a bug I thought I got banned from this sub. I thought I am so dislikeable and annoying that I managed to make the AVPD community itself reject and avoid me.

I think low functioning AVPD will look like hikikomori/total shut in, so maybe you can relate to that more. You can tell your therapist or write down if its easier those feelings you wrote about. It doesnt come across as being fake or looking for an excuse. It sounds like someone feeling alienated and confused thats longing to fit in. It can help if you look from the outisde perspective. You probably wouldnt judge someone who came to you saying what you said as harshly as you judge yourself. You would think their struggles are valid even if there is no label for it. You would not assume they are just faking it. Because no no one wants to feel like this.