My dear, if you could love the wrong person so much, just think how much you will be able to love the right person.

I mean I give you a lot of credit, most people would be repulsed by that guy, I know that just from reading what you wrote I am a little bit pissed off already, and you were able to really like the guy!! You must have a lot to give then!

But girl, let me tell you, you even said it yourself, that that was not love, you two don't fit as you said. A lot of the stress you are in now is because of this whole awful situation you are in, trust me, it will get a lot better with time.

What did you see in him? You didn't see him, otherwise you'd have run a long time ago. Somehow you saw yourself in that person. He was a broken and dirty mirror and it gave you an awful reflection of yourself, yet you saw yourself in him, somehow. I believe that that's why you liked him.

Sometimes we express our love for ourselves through other people... some people like certain songs, some people like certain movies, some people have hobbies like painting, these are all ways to bring out the best in yourself... things that are buried deep down within. That we don't see in usual ways. That's why we need these mirrors to show to ourselves who we really are. That's what I believe, at least.

Or maybe you saw the tiny little bit of good in that man, no one is all together bad, and you saw that, but you ignored the bad things about him... maybe that's the lesson, when we love, we love the whole of the person, even their flaws look ok to us... we don't just ignore their flaws!! We are not like, "ok, I don't like this in him, but I choose to be with him anyways." We're "I know he's like this and like that but it does not even bother me! I like him so much I even like that about him." Kinda rambling here but I hope that that helps.

You will find someone else girl! There's no question! All wounds need time to heal, it hurts now because the wound is fresh but it will get better with time.

But first you need to find yourself. If you are not happy you will let yourself be abused like this, you are simply not thinking correctly, this thing took you over. You need to probably be alone for a while... and heal of all of this. You are a beautiful soul within! Don't waste your time with losers anymore. You are the best. I love you!

I hope that you feel better soon.