Others' experiences don't make yours any less painful, traumatic, and real. Abuse is not always physically violent, if you are left with a sour taste in your mouth, that is valid. Reading all of this, my heart breaks that you had to go through that and I would definitely count that as completely unacceptable and abusive behavior on his part.

Healthy relationships are indeed not like this. I was similar to you in the past. I blamed myself, blamed men, blamed relationships in general. But now I have found someone caring, sweet, and patient who treats me like an actual person (crazy, right?) and I've been rebuilding myself. It is possible, and it will happen. You just need to stay strong, work on rebuilding yourself to be stronger than ever before, and show the world who's boss. because you are.