It's traditional for more than just ownership reasons. Traditionally marrying into a family meant marrying into a trade.

So Mr. Butchers new wife would also become a butcher literally.

As time has passed people have preserved family lines by doing this. Most families would have sons and daughters (hence the added value of having a son to carry on the family name).

So a daughter changing her surname would not be an issue. You would lose a daughter to another family (name wise) but perhaps gain someone elses.

Hyphenation is more modern and simply preserves both names. Obviously we cannot over use that because what if Mr Butcher-Smith marries Ms. Fletcher-Baker?

We'd be signing our names as THOMAS BAKER-SMITH-BUTCHER-FLETCHERetcetecetece and it would be ridiculous.

So names were never about a man owning a women, just practicality. Its a part of our heritage that I quite enjoy. My fiance will be taking my Surname. Some people don't. It's really not an issue.

Identity is choice. You could change your name to Sunshine Sitzpinkler by deed-poll if you wanted.