i think being the best version of yourself means to know that you're always gonna be you and you cant change the person you were born into but you can ALWAYS improve yourself. Listen man, I'm the ugliest I've ever fucking looked in my life because of this depression shit. Depression beard, horrible unmaintained haircut, my skin is terrible, I've been eating terribly and i still know i can get better because also depression and self esteem issues is what makes you look at yourself way worse than what you really look like, attached to the fact that we look the way we look because of our depression too. You'll be amazed at how much better we can look with a haircut (in your case go for a full shaved head, I've done that before too and liked it), shaving or mainting a nice beard, drinking water and have an overall better diet. Exercise and doing shit you like to do. Be the type of person you wanna be. If you think "guys that know a lot about cinema are cool", then be that guy. "guys that know about music and music history are cool" then be that guy. "guys that are skilled at a certain thing are cool" then BE THAT GUY. At least try. Because you'll never get close to shit if you never try. Its hard and an ugly reality to face, but we have to do it. I used to think the same type of things as you when I heard those things, but it's true. We have to believe in the possibility that we can heal, to heal. I'm sending regards to you, brother. Hope you get better soon.