I guess because I've gotten used to being appraised for how well I'm doing.

If I'm not being noticed for something, then I'll strive to perform better until I get noticed.

This comes from living in a family that always pushed me hard, and I guess in some ways I'm glad they have.

I'm talking A's and B's were fine, so that's all I did. No more, no better, and I wish they pushed me harder in that area.

Then I get to lifting, my job, and college. Now, it's 'Have I done good enough? No? Then fuck it I'll go harder.'

I'm insecure about whether or not I'm doing 'good enough' so I always strive to be better. Both in looks, financially, and school.

I'm 18 years old, in school full time, making more money than any of my friends, and a good body.. I have no reason to be insecure..

But when I feel bad for something I've done 'good enough' I get super stressed.

it's made me self aware about everything and practically caused me to lose my mind in certain circumstances. I can't handle stress like I used to.

Now, however, I just keep going.. Somehow I've gotten my depression, anger, and OCD under control all without medication.

Thank God for that because I was losing my mind.