Mmh where do I start?

Honestly I'm tired, I really am. This self inflicted torture needs to go. Being vulnerable never brought me anything good.

Eternal love from your middle school crush? First one, right one? Give me a break. That's the most shallow form of love there is.

I am conflicted because I can either be a very deep but single man or a very shallow but popular guy. Fuck that dude(tte), it's like I'm the only human on this earth. I plan on living a very shallow life from now on or in other words, I'm gonna live life on the same level as everybody else.

I guess I'm just rearranging my thoughts so that I can make peace with myself.

One person out of ten thousand is not realistically doable. There is no guarantee in this life, no promise of finding the right one, or having a successful life or anything like that. The only promise you're entitled to is that you're going to die at some point.

I only feel the need to smoke a cigarette when I'm not moving. I only feel the need of a deep connection when I'm not with girls.

It seems my only choices are to be a balanced E1 who judges himself harshly or to embrace the integration into a 7 and just let myself completely go.

All of that for the sake of an ideal, it's a waste. I have almost no self preservation, my social instinct hasn't been relevant in a while, the only thing I know is that my sexual instinct is always on. I have to flirt, I have to seduce, I have to touch, I have to fuck. And if I never connect with anyone that's fine. I'm an ENTJ, I don't need to rely on anyone.