passion is not so definable. i do love him, more than anyone, that's the point. we lived together before we dated or even had sex. we didn't run into it, but we found ourselves wanting to be together. he was my best friend before he was anything. i've shown him parts of me i may never show another person. all of my mistakes, my perversions. he is the only person i've ever been truly comfortable with. we've spent the past 4 years together. working, struggling to get by, going hungry. but i wouldn't rather be anywhere else. i was ripped from my life, my parents split up and i went from being an advanced degree student to a drop-out working fast food. I AM 18 YEARS OLD. i didn't get to finish school, i never got my license and i moved across the country with my boyfriend and two cats. i feel helpless. i realize that i can't do ANYTHING by myself. if i'm hungry, he has to take me out. if i get a job, he has to take me there too, because i moved and cannot walk anymore. i just want to know i can take care of myself. i hurt everyday, and he just dosen't understand. i watched the people i grew up with go to their prom night, graduate, find college. all through pictures i spent my childhood thinking i would be in. but it never was meant to be me, was it? i am not those shiny people in the photographs. i am a realist. and i want more in life than to be somones possession. i want to know that I am capable and amazing by myself. i wan't to figure out how to be happy. because he loves me. because he looks at me, and he wonders why i'm so hurt, and why he can't make it better. but that's just it, noone can fix it. that's my job and i'm failing. i hate him feeling like it's his fault, and i if i could be happy just for him i would. Just because i wonder what things would have been like had i never left school when my parents split dosen't make me a bad person, it dosen't make me love him any less. do you not think it possible to love somone deeply but not be outwardly passionate? to love someones entirety but to not be able to 'make love'. it just feels wierd to me, it feels false. unless i misunderstand the meaning of passion. there are only a few things that bring out sparks of passion in me, and sex just isn't one. to me, passion is losing yourself in a creation. trying to create the pictures in your mind just as you imagined them. to take just one idea or emotion and turn it in to somthing that is you but beyond you. somthing that was always meant to be exactly as it was. that moment where you spill your entirety into somthing and your mind gets quiet. that is the passion i feel.