I'm right there with you man, my SO is very lax about punishment. She'd rather yell at them then take electronics away. I mean yelling gets the job done, sometimes, but I'd rather have a lasting effect then an immediate response. Although in my situation she follows through with my punishment, but it leaves her with more work. It sounds like she really needs to respect what you decide and follow through. I'd speak with her at a calm time and explains this is a big issue and that you shouldn't be holding that weight like that.

I believe in structure and discipline. Yelling the way you explain is wild and should be shut down immediately, but who the hell am I to know. If I was in your shoes I'd interject real quick if he was that disrespectful. My biggest issue is affection because I'm not a very affectionate guy to begin with.