for most of the people (nd and nt) it looks like you punished her kids for her behaviour. maybe she agreed to go with you just to be sure you won't backpedal with helping them, maybe she was in fact interested in you; either way, she was wrong with ghosting you and the blame is fully on her. what is wrong on your side is that you said you won't buy coats for her kids as an answer to her ghosting. you could've just stop talking to her, because, as you wrote, you didn't promised her anything. and if you didn't promised, you aren't obligated to revoke your kindest "not-a-promise". don't think i'm blaming you in any way (i blame you only if i'm right and you did in fact decided to hurt her through hurting her children), i just want you to know that it might look like it for other people and their feelings are valid too.