I can relate to this. I work as an engineer and only recently self-diagnosed. I have my life together and a lot of people who don't really know me would probably not guess that I'm autistic.

At the same time I still have meltdowns, lots of expectations at my job that I fear I will not meet, chronic burnout and exhaustion, and all kinds of struggles on a daily basis with social situations.

When I talked to my mom about it I realized I've repressed a lot of trauma, which is scary. Looking back it was so obvious and a constant issue when I was young.

I think a lot of us are holding things together as best we can while freaking out crying in bathrooms and engaging in self injury as adults and stuff. I certainly am. We definitely are not alone, no matter how lonely it can feel sometimes.